grumpy

I had a dream the night before last that my grandmother passed away and I only found out by reading her obit.  It was one of those that was so realistic, you aren't sure if it actually happened or not.  It hasn't so far, but I wouldn't be surprised.  And that makes me mad.

She's almost 94 and has dementia.  She's been living with my parents for the past seven years and she is the sweetest lady you'll ever meet.  She's had diabetes for years, she's blind, almost deaf and still laughs constantly.  She used to sing opera but she had her first stroke when she was in her 40's and hasn't been able to sing properly since.  She still gets her toe tapping if she hears music though.  I haven't seen her in three or four years.  I don't think I will again.  She doesn't remember me and I have no desire to see my parents any time soon.  I prefer to keep the memory I have of her intact.  She's not doing well.  She's had TIA's for years and the next big stroke will probably take her.  It's what she wants.  She wakes up in the middle of the night, thinking she's seeing angels and they're trying to take her home.  She cries when she doesn't go with them.  Talk about being ready to go.

I imagine I'll get a phone call either early in the morning or early evening from my mom, letting me know she's gone.  (Although I wouldn't put it past them to call my sister and have her call me.)  And I can't decide if I want to go to the funeral or not.  I'm thinking no.  It'll only be used as a platform to preach and evangelize and talk about preaching to the choir, the only people who'll be there are family and they're all converts anyway.  But they'll do it and what's the point?  There are eight siblings, seven of which will show up, and their extended families, and they're all crazy.  On the one hand, it'd be a wonderful opportunity for the Husband to see The Craziness, but I just don't want to handle all the drama.  My aunts and my mom all hate each other and think that mom has done a horrible job with grandma.  And the brothers are almost all pastors.  And they're all fighting over the "stuff" in the house.  Call me crazy, but I don't want to be there for that.  So, Grandma, I love you, and I'll remember you.  You made me gross-tasting peanut butter and jelly sandwiches after school and yelled at me for eating all your strawberries.  You taught me Sunday School and I still have your graduation card.  Sorry your kids ended up crazy.