judgemental

Two women sat in front of me on the bus yesterday with their four month olds.  Cutest kids, and I'm not a baby person.  The one with purple hair was on her way to a meeting with her parole officer and the other to community service.  Both were congratulating each other on how many arrests they had for domestic violence, that their boyfriends deserved it and that the counseling and community service they had to do was all a joke: "They put me in a class with the victims and I told my guy that I'm definitely not a victim and he told me that it was for me to see the other side, ya know?  And I told him 'no shit, I know the other side, that's why I do it!'"  

What?

I'll be honest, I'm probably the worst judge there is out there.  I can't help it, I judge people.  And I think if everyone is honest with themselves, everyone does it.  It's what you do after that most people have a problem.  I think a large part of it has to do with our society and setting ridiculous standards and everyone being in everyone's business.  Comparison shopping but for how to live (and not live) your lives.  And when it comes to motherhood, mothers can be like teenage girls in high school cliques.  "You had a natural child birth?  You had an epidural?  You breastfeed?  You don't?  You're going back to work?  How many hours do you let your child watch TV?  How many words can he say?  Do you have your pre-pregnancy bod back?  You let your child eat that?"  I understand it.  Every mother does the best they can and there's information overload, so there's too many choices, so we (yes, I'll say we) all run around with our heads cut off because there's new studies saying don't do that, but what we thought was bad is now good and on and on.  So of course, we compare notes and maybe something doesn't jive with what we've read so we ostracize or feel guilty we're not doing it correctly and it's a vicious circle.  But each mother and family is different, so why let the differences bother you?  Of course you do the best you can, why have other mothers judge you on top of that?  We should be helping each other as much as we possibly can because we're unsure of ourselves as it is.  Ah to live in a perfect world.  And yes, I do think the women with the domestic violence issues should have their children taken away.  But maybe someone will say that about me someday.

Meanwhile, I have to head to work.   Same as yesterday.  And the day before.  Ugh.  Less than a year and a half and I will be on to something better!